“Guilt reflects and then leaves the rest to me. It started with a flash of light. A fist’s grip was loosened just a bit. There’s a constant slip out of the positive. Grace and hope I’m sure are on the way. It ended with a twist of fate. Hearts are breaking just a bit. So you killed more precious lives then you had let live. All the fear and all the cares of the world never forced themselves into my arms. It was your fear that helped me. Your fear that got me to move. Straight from your heart into their sight. For shame on you. Who cares about me anyway? It’d mean so much if you’d just save me. Save me.”
This has been a very rough summer, emotionally. I’m not always able to express my emotions. When I am, they seem to lunge out at me suddenly. I’m unprepared for the tidal wave in my heart and my mind. I’ve a tendency toward numbness. This is the worst… feeling so sad that you ache and being unable to find release. Therefore, let me introduce you to a fantastic article I’ve found which has several of my personal favorite cry, cry, cryin’ songs.
“I could sleep. I could sleep. I could sleep. I could sleep. When I lived alone, is there a ghost in my house? When I lived alone, is there a ghost in my house? My house…”
“Drowning deep in my sea of loathing. It seems what’s left of my human side is slowly changing in me. Looking at my own reflection when suddenly it changes, violently it changes. There is no turning back now. You’ve woken up the demon in me. Get up, come on get down with the sickness. Open up your hate, and let it flow into me. Get up, come on get down with the sickness. You mother get up come on get down with the sickness. You fucker get up come on get down with the sickness. Madness is the gift, that has been given to me. I can see inside you, the sickness is rising. Don’t try to deny what you feel. It seems that all that was good has died and is decaying in me. It seems you’re having some trouble in dealing with these changes, living with these changes. The world is a scary place now that you’ve woken up the demon in me. And when I dream… No mommy, don’t do it again. Don’t do it again. I’ll be a good boy. I’ll be a good boy, I promise. No mommy don’t hit me. Why did you have to hit me like that, mommy? Don’t do it, you’re hurting me. Why did you have to be such a bitch? Why don’t you, why don’t you just fuck off and die. Why can’t you just fuck off and die. Never stick your hand in my face again bitch. FUCK YOU. I don’t need this shit. You stupid sadistic abusive fucking whore.”
“You’ve gotta swim, swim for your life, swim for the music that saves you when you’re not so sure you’ll survive. You gotta swim, swim when it hurts. The whole world is watching. You haven’t come this far to fall off the earth. The currents will pull you away from your love. Just keep your head above. I found a tidal wave begging to tear down the dawn. Memories like bullets they fire at me from a gun, a crack in the armor. I swim to brighter days despite the absence of sun. Choking on salt water. I’m not giving in. Swim. You gotta swim through nights that won’t end. Swim for your families, your lovers, your sisters and brothers and friends. You gotta swim, swim in the dark. There’s no shame in drifting, feel the tide shifting and wait for the spark. Yeah you’ve gotta swim. Don’t let yourself sink. Just find the horizon, I promise you it’s not as far as you think. The currents will drag us away from our love. Just keep your head above. Swim.”